I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Thought you'd be looking for the next in line to love then ignore
Put out and put away
And so you'd soon be leaving me,
Alone like I'm supposed to be,
Tonight, tomorrow and everyday
There's nothing here that you'll miss
I can guarantee you this,
Is a cloud of smoke.
Trying to occupy space
What a fucking joke...
What a fucking joke...

I waited for a bus to separate the both of us and take me off far away
From you...
'Cos my feelings never change a bit,
I always feel like shit.
I don't know why I guess that I just do;
You once talked to me about love and you painted pictures of
A never-neverland...
And I could've gone to that place
But I didn't understand...
I didn't understand...
I didn't understand...

Woke up feeling apathetic and angry. Not the two emotions you'd expect to come together. For anger you need passion, hate, you need to feel blood boil. For apathy you need distance, that calm, bored outlook on life.

Normally I can't manage either, not really. There's always enough going on that I can't drop and leave, detach and just ignore everything, and well, I deal with the anger by smothering it.

Lately, it just seems things are relentless. I'm starting to realise how bad I am at dealing with people, including myself, some doubts have resurfaced, along with a few new friends, not to mention this whole moving thing has really thrown me off kilter. As a result I've been alternating between old stand-bys, sleep/Jack.

What do I do when it's too late for one and too early for the other?

Some nights I thirst for real blood
For real knives
For real cries
And then the flash of steel from real guns
In real life
Really fills my mind

And I really miss what really did exist
When I held your throat so tight
And I miss the bus as it swerved from us
Almost came crashing to its side

Sometimes the blood from real cuts
Feels real nice
When it's really mine
And if you want it to be real
Come over for one night
And we can really, really climb

And those blue bridge lights might really burn most bright
As we watch that dark lake rise
And if you really want to see what really matters most to me
Just take a real short drive

It's just a drive into the dark stretch
Long stretch of night
Will really stretch this shaking mind
And this room, unlit, unheated
And the ceiling striped
And the dark black blinds

I want to know this time if you’re really finally mine
I need to know that you're not lying so I want to see you tried
And I don't want to hear you say it shouldn’t really be this way
'Cause I like this way just fine

'Cause there’s nothing quite like the blinding light
That curtains cast aside
And no attempt is made to explain away
The things that really, really, really, really, really are behind

You can't hide
You can't hide
You can't hide

You can't hide
You can't hide
You can't hide

Wish I wasn't so pissed off, but there you go. Strangely enough, eveything has gone fairly well so far, I'm where I want to be and it looks as if I might even get out of China alive. Shocking.

Trip was going so well too...